Course Strategist Gifts

'He's trying to figure out a way to miss this putt so his boss can win the match.'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Do your research!

"I've just barbecued my head again."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"How was work?"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Good Luck!

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"I'm thinking that now is a good time to start those tutoring sessions."

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'