Classroom Strategist Gifts

'If you want to communicate with a disruptive student, learn to hear what isn't being said.'

"In my experience, telling a kid 'without an education you can't get a job', almost never works. But, 'without an education you can;t get a job to get money to buy new sneakers and C.D.s,' works every time."

Teaching Then and Now

"We can't say they aren't learning. Twenty three of them have learned to call in sick."

'...All profits are local.'

'If I am to keep my resolution of being a kinder and more patient teacher this year, I'm going to need you to leave and not come back until May.'

"I'm serious. If you win, his grade stays the same. If I win, he gets an A."

"That chart monitors the class seating an that chart monitors the class cliques."

"Could you keep little Edward home from school today, Mrs. Rogers? It's part of our teacher morale project."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

A Puppet Named Juan

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

Global Education

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'