Course Comedians Gifts

'Talk about rough courses!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

Every class has one. . .

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Did anyone tell her we're from another planet?'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

'For pity's sake stop that infernal humming!'

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"I can count to 20...Without taking off my shoes."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

'Judge Mental.'

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...