Couples Therapy Humor Gifts

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

'While it's often said that laughter's a better medicine, I've learned that crying is best in solving disputes between husbands and wives.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"See how controlling he is?!"

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Express Therapy

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'Now then, let me explain the rules of this therapy.'

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"