Country Club Lounger Gifts

Sand trap

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

To be honest, I'd just as soon as lay in the yard, but he so looks forward to it.

Sunbathing in the park

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Typical it's cloudy all week, the the weekend arrives and it's too sunny to do any gardening.'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

"You can migrate without me - I'm staying here this year."

'...and talk about lazy!'

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

"How?"

Leaves falling from a roof garden.

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

Man sleeps beside 'do not disturb' sign as an alligator sneaks up on him.

Sick person curled up at home

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

'I'm able to live the American dream by getting paid in Euros, running my business form an offshore tax haven and getting European style universal health care.'

"Medical science continues to provide hope in a troubled world. Now they say chocolate is good for you!"

'I'd say the couch is contouring a bit TOO much to their bodies.'

Champagne and Oysters

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

'Gordon, ever since you were given a chair with wheels you've been seen less and less in the office.'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

Summertime in the city

"I really should have paid attention to everything I learned in Kindergarten."