Counsel Seeking Humor Gifts

'What seems to be the problem?'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

The hour of justice

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

Counsel examining witness

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

A Scotsman in a court wearing sports gear is hardly news.

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'