Lawyer Humor Lovers Gifts

'Is it just me or are we showing more leg this year?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Baby's first words.

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Judge Mental.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

Devil on trial - "We find the defendant guilty of being in the details."

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'