Cosmic Journeyman Gifts

'I want to tap into my higher self.'

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Head over Hooves

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

An alien in his space ship sees a space sign that says 'You are here'

"No, you're in the Milky Way galaxy."

The Lost World: You are Here

'I'm going to Venus. He's going to Mars.'

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Mars Rover - 'They are right, men are from mars.'

"I didn't come all this way to do work."

Spaceman looking out of the window of his spaceship at planets.

Emergency exit into Space

'Hey, you! -- What happened to the pet dinosaurs we left here?'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"Oh well, at least it's not Earth."

An Alien on the Moon waiting for his Alien dog to finish Peeing.

"I've been genetically modified!"

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

"A trillion bottles of beer on the wall, a trillion bottles of beer..."

'Alpha centuri: 24 trillion miles - Wormhole route: 76 miles.

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

You're gonna have to put that thing in "UFO mode."

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Small child in plane made from cardboard boxes

'Of course I'm paranoid and delusional, dummy! -- I was abducted by aliens, for crying out loud!'

"We've discovered a habitable planet teeming with strange and wonderous lifeforms! Quick – clear an area for a mining operation and power station!"