Spiritual Journeyman Gifts

For questions about the Apostles, try Father Benedict, two mountains to the east."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

Me, Alice and God

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

"As slim as your chances are for salvation, it's nice to see you keep trying."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Home depot."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'No, really, go ahead. You know me - I'm all about the journey, not the food pellet!'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'You must heal yourself.'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.