Cosmetics Critique Gifts

'I don't know about you, but I'll be glad when that ban on testing cosmetics on us begins.'

"That shirt is so last year."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"I'm sick and tired of black."

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"

Martina Klein

There's nothing awesome to see at the movies these days. What're you talking about? Avengers 2 just came out. I know. It's been out for like an entire weekend. It's old news. The next blockbuster is "Mad Max," and that's not out until the 15th! Hollywood is totally neglecting the entire May 4th-to-May-15th window! That kind of gaping hole is unconscionable. You can always watch "In the Name of My Daughter."

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

Animal cosmetic testing

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

How to recognize a German tourist...

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

Katy Perry

Prices include consultation with fashion therapist.

Romee Strijd caricature

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

Michael Jackson from the Thriller video...and at a recent court appearance.