Cosmetic Critics Gifts

Shampoo - New Flick In The Eye Cap

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"That shirt is so last year."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Non-Uniform Day Today.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"You're wearing too much rouge."

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"

"Nobody told me it was formal."

"It was a crime of fashion."