Cosmetic Critic Gifts

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Glop With Packaging

Breast enlargement - buy one get one free.

New! Cell-U-Lite Tellaphone: 'Hmmm! There's something wrong here!'

PERFUMES, 'It's really just a sales gimmick, but we make everybody sign a waiver.'

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

"What's the betting SHE'S artificial?"

"Pipped for 3rd place - weighed down by those eyelashes."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"That shirt is so last year."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Non-Uniform Day Today.

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

"You're wearing too much rouge."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.