Beauty Critique Gifts

"I'm sorry, I can't help you - they just pay me to sit here and look pretty."

"That shirt is so last year."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"

Martina Klein

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Animal cosmetic testing

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

How to recognize a German tourist...

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

Katy Perry

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

Romee Strijd caricature

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

Prices include consultation with fashion therapist.

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

'What's with kids nowadays and tattoos?'

'I see you've dressed to go clubbing.'