Beauty Critique Prints

"I'm sorry, I can't help you - they just pay me to sit here and look pretty."

"That shirt is so last year."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

Animal cosmetic testing

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

How to recognize a German tourist...

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

Romee Strijd caricature

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

Prices include consultation with fashion therapist.

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

'I see you've dressed to go clubbing.'

'What's with kids nowadays and tattoos?'

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."