Beauty Product Critic Gifts

Face Cream with Highly Moronic Acid

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

Shampoo.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"She's genetically modified, you know."

Animal cosmetic testing

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

'Mildred....is that you?'

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

Romee Strijd caricature

Just stop (macassar) oil

Medusa, 6 P.M. Friday.

"You have a very rare conditioner."

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

"They do say results will vary."

Which one of these things is the soap?

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

"I'm sorry, I can't help you - they just pay me to sit here and look pretty."

Hair spray for woman, Mr. Sheen for man.

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

What puberty used to do. What puberty apparently does now.

"Make my face sag - I want people to think I've never had plastic surgery."