Cosmetic Critic T-Shirts

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Glop With Packaging

Breast enlargement - buy one get one free.

New! Cell-U-Lite Tellaphone: 'Hmmm! There's something wrong here!'

PERFUMES, 'It's really just a sales gimmick, but we make everybody sign a waiver.'

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

"What's the betting SHE'S artificial?"

"Pipped for 3rd place - weighed down by those eyelashes."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"That shirt is so last year."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Non-Uniform Day Today.

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

"You're wearing too much rouge."

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

"I hope he's wearing pants."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

'That guy is SO tacky.'

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.