Cosmetic Critique T-Shirts

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"I haven't had any work done."

'Quick. Find out who her cosmetic surgeon is, so I can avoid him like the plague. '

"That shirt is so last year."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Hair spray"

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"

Animal cosmetic testing

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

How to recognize a German tourist...

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

Romee Strijd caricature

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

"This would be perfect! If it were a different style, in a different color, from a different store."