Cosmetic Critics Pillows

Shampoo - New Flick In The Eye Cap

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"That shirt is so last year."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Non-Uniform Day Today.

"You're wearing too much rouge."

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Nobody told me it was formal."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"