Cosmetic Columnist Gifts

Dear postman, please don't use suntan or any other cosmetics for your legs. We want to keep our dog healthy.

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Get me some valium please, Miss Minster - I've just been stranded in the lift with the agony aunt!"

"Now, open your cosmetics fridge and delicately apply the cold hard cash to the area around your eyes."

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

"Breast implants, filler and botox for your missus doesn't fulfill our home improvements criteria."

"Your eyebrows are beautiful, darling. I know you hate drawing them on."

Romee Strijd caricature

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'