Cosmetic Columnist Pillows

Dear postman, please don't use suntan or any other cosmetics for your legs. We want to keep our dog healthy.

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Get me some valium please, Miss Minster - I've just been stranded in the lift with the agony aunt!"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Now, open your cosmetics fridge and delicately apply the cold hard cash to the area around your eyes."

Martina Klein

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

Bar Refaeli

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

"Breast implants, filler and botox for your missus doesn't fulfill our home improvements criteria."

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

Romee Strijd caricature

It's the Dr. Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. You're on, Boise. What's your problem?! I don

Katy Perry

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

"Your eyebrows are beautiful, darling. I know you hate drawing them on."

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

Michael Jackson from the Thriller video...and at a recent court appearance.

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."