Corporate Employees Gifts

'I'm just concerned that if we embrace change this one time, change might get the wrong idea and mistake it for some kind of long-term commitment!'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

Worker sees clock which says: In case of impossible deadline, break glass.

'Aye, laddie, we do have an employee incentive program!'

'They appear to be adapting well in their new habitat.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Remember, we're all in this together - except for Purvison, who will take all the blame.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'The boss finally noticed me today. He said I should wear deodrant.'

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

Elevator buttons read Easy Come (going up) and Easy Go (going down).

"Re toxing Dave"

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

'I think he would have wanted it that way.'

"Legal thinks it looks like Satan, Marketing thinks Batman."

Despite the searing heat wave, Jennings adhered strictly to the company dress code, which stated 'ties must be worn at all times'.

"I hate performance review season."

Corporate policy is that this company is now paperless. Please use hand.

Cuckoo bird in office.

Copier duplicates worker

'Powerbrowse this and get back to me with a sentence-long synopsis.'

'Ned, your repressed angst keeps tipping over and blocking my light.'

'I'm giving you that company car you've been bugging me about. The car cost $21,745, which will be gradually taken out of your pay starting Friday.'

"We offer six weeks paid vacation. . . but you have to spend all of it in your office."

'That's Coleman. He's as honest as they come, which is why we never tell him what we're doing.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"It's part of our company's new health plan. You don't ever have to leave your desk for the virtual colonoscopy..."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"When I said I thought you needed to grow in your job I meant professionally."

"The boss sent my job overseas and me to the unemployment line!"

'I exercise to stay healthy so I can keep working to pay for health insurance until I drop dead.'

"Management really cares about our well being. They want us to leave work the same way we came in - depressed and hopeless."

"Have you noticed since Chuck's promotion he's become a, 'Not the office furniture, use the scratching post' kinda guy?"