Employee Gifts

"We were hoping that you could work from work today."

Brainstorm Ideas why meeting should be over

"Any questions?"

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

"It's come to my attention, Wycliff, that you're actually planning a life outside the office."

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

Woman walks past a sign in an office that reads "Sycophant of the month".

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

'Oh, you are such a BABY! Just how bad can a little paper cut be?'

'This really is an innovative approach, but I'm afraid we can't consider it. It's never been done before.'

Change Management: Here There,,,'We thought we'd put in the detail later,'

The Department of Lessons Learned...

'Your proposal is innovative, Unfortunately we won't be able to use it because we've never tried something like this before,'

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"Planning,who's got time for planning? I haven't even got time to get dressed in the morning."

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"This concludes my lecture on non-verbal communication. Any comments or questions?"

'Your proposal is innovative. Unfortunately we won't be able to use it because we've never tried something like that before.'

"As you can see from the flow chart, the problem stems from a lack of direction."

'What did you take away from the meeting?'

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

Attention Span Remaining: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

Before Powerpoint.

"It's a panic alarm. It goes off every time management show any interest in another reorganisation."

Computer neck.

Performance Management: "Jump!"

That memo you wrote on reducing office emails generated 3,000 new emails.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"You have not shown initiative because I never asked you to?"

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"