Employees Gifts

'When I said getting more sleep would help reduce stress I meant AT HOME!'

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

Boss about employee: 'He has a spark of genius, but he also has ignition problems.'

'If things don't improve, we'll have to close 3 plants and lay off 50 employees or ask you to live a little more simply.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

'Get me everything on why I'm not to blame...'

"He's speechless!"

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'The budget doesn't allow for a Christmas party . . . . .'

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'Henderson likes to keep a low profile.'

"I'm glad to see we're all on the same page, but let's try not to tear it."

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

'Why can't you be more enthusiastic about my ideas, like Simmons over here?'

"I told them I couldn't survive on what they were paying me."

I've always been a man who was able to admit his mistakes and you, Harris, were a mistake.

'Since your last idea really bombed, Mr Henderson, you won't be recieving one of those little 'idea pads'.'

(Mousetrapped desk) "Go ahead, Winslow...it's just a small thank-you on the eve of your retirement."

"Retiring? Gee, I didn't even know you worked here."

'All right, I wanna know which ones of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

"Drinking fountains were too expensive to install, but we are providing a garden hose to drink from."

"It's a company car. They gave it to me right before I stopped showing up for work."

I hitched to work...and left early to avoid the traffic.

'Staff wage agreements? Look under poverty!'

'We can't let the girl on work experience go, she is the only one who can change a ink cartridge.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'The payroll checks didn't come in, but don't worry. I'm dipping into my son's weekly allowance to make sure you all get paid.'