Store Employees Gifts

On Their Way

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

Hand sanitizer

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"Fifty quid for a high visibility jacket? Why, that's day-glo robbery."

"I'm glad to see we're all on the same page, but let's try not to tear it."

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

'If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?'

How much would you take off for cash?

"The boss is not very bright." "True, but if he was smart you wouldn't have a job."

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

Excess

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"And yet, as we look at our lives, can't many of us say, 'My cubicle is too small?"

Grocery. I hope to work on the business side of TV and movies one day, so I've added "produce placement experience" to my resume. Thanks to everybody keeping stores open and stocked.

You know retail is in a bad way when...

Cat to boss: 'May I have some maternal leave this afternoon?'