Store Worker Gifts

Summer of 2020

"Seems we're always on our feet around here."

Killer Executive Suits.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

But is it organic?

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'She's so put together!'

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

Special offer on snakeskin ties.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

A women in a shoeshop.

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

New Suit.

"How was work?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Friday

New Shoes.

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Hardy Annuals

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"We need a union!'

Unfinished Funiture Store.