Department Store Employee Gifts

'What I want is a 50 cent an hour raise, a longer lunch break, weekends off...'

"...And it has a pheromone which will make him submissive to you."

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Sale! Weed Whackers

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit, today, sir - a ream of paper and a half-dozen pencils.'

Bookshop: Unpopular Economics

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

Cook in the cookery section.

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

Don't have a hot flush....

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

Meet The Author's Wife. The author is too surly to talk.

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'I want to buy a self help eBook. Can you help me to download it to my eBook reader?'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

"This is Piggly Wiggly, what'd you expect?"

Men's Prayer Group.

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"Orange juice, 1/2 lb. bacon, dozen eggs, bread, coffee..."

Woman stuck in frozen aisle.

Health and Safety Guidelines.

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'