Clothing Store Employee Gifts

'They are your size. They've been preshrunk at the factory.'

'Do you have this one in 'Extra Frumpy'?'

I don't where women's clothes.

"I'd like to return these - the fabric has way too much memory."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit, today, sir - a ream of paper and a half-dozen pencils.'

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

Bookshop: Unpopular Economics

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'These are called, 'Diet Pants.' They'll never fit, but you'll burn 250 calories trying to get into them.'

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

Cook in the cookery section.

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

We stock ALL sizes...

'They're bound to hurt at first.'

Meet The Author's Wife. The author is too surly to talk.

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

'I want to buy a self help eBook. Can you help me to download it to my eBook reader?'

'For us, buying shoes is like buying one drink with two straws, hahaha!'

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

Health and Safety Guidelines.

'Overnight delivery of 500 'I survived the tornado' T-shirts!'

'Do you have clothes for winning the lottery?'

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

STRIP "I've tried everywhere to get a new winter court...but all the stores are full of next years summer collections"

Three tailors block the street, forcing a passerby into their shop.

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

'This must be the work clothes section.'

Children line up to talk to Santa

Books. It's about raising dogs? Yes, it's a pup-up book.

'Excuse me. Could you point me towards the books that would look impressive on my bookshelf?'