Fashion Retail Worker Gifts

'These are called, 'Diet Pants.' They'll never fit, but you'll burn 250 calories trying to get into them.'

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'She's so put together!'

A women in a shoeshop.

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Special offer on snakeskin ties.

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

New Suit.

Friday

"How was work?"

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

New Shoes.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"We need a union!'

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Unfinished Funiture Store.

Stationery Shop

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

Shoes Make The Man

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"