Fashion Retail Worker Gifts

'These are called, 'Diet Pants.' They'll never fit, but you'll burn 250 calories trying to get into them.'

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'She's so put together!'

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Special offer on snakeskin ties.

A women in a shoeshop.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

New Suit.

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Friday

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"How was work?"

New Shoes.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Hardy Annuals

"We need a union!'

Unfinished Funiture Store.

Shoes Make The Man

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

Stationery Shop