Department Store Gifts

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

Western Outfitters.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'Do you have it in black?'

A tailor measuring a large man

Sketches by Boz - Monmouth Street

Merger at 28th and Lex

Pharmacy School. We're having a pop quiz. I should have known there'd be surprise drug tests in pharmacy school.

'What do you mean, you just sell coffee? I don't understand, what kind of shop is that?'

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

As models become skinnier, so do the mannequins.

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

Men see an old lady in a round hat from the back and think she is a pretty young lady.

"Relax, I'm coming for the suit."

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"You see, sir? It fits you like a glove!"

Children line up to talk to Santa

'It's goose down!'

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

Crocodile with man logo on polo

I'm sorry, they don't make dresses large on the inside and small on the outside!

"Do you do these in sheep?"

What were you thinking when you bought this re-sale shop.

A tight skirt makes a woman look slim!

''Get a life' was last year! This year it's 'get a while bunch of lives!''

The Emporer's Clothes Boutique

'That bacon sarnie fragrance gets them every time!'