Department Store Enthusiast Gifts

"By the authority vested in me by Bloomingdale's, how may I help you?"

"Whore of Babylon?"

Bed Bath & Younder

Business is slow, thank goodness.

Cut Price

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

A women in a shoeshop.

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

A young couple selects items from a shop.

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again."

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Self-Checkout.

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Irregulars

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

'In the war against full price, we are winning...'

"Come back to bed. You know sleep deprivation lowers your sales resistance."

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

Rare Books / Exceedingly Rare Books / Never Published Books

'I'd like to see this dress in a smaller price please.'