Company Employees Gifts

"Tom, it's come to my attention that you're trolling for a better job, using your company computer."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

21st century water cooler conversations.

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"