Corporate Employee Gifts

'Damn this paperless office!'

"At least you didn't get the axe."

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

"I'm sorry. When I told everybody that we started in the mailroom together, I didn't realize you were still there."

Walt's train of thought left at 9:05. He wasn't on it.

"Come in, Wilson. I've traded my phone for some booze. Just another unexpected consequence of the breakup of AT&T."

"They've raised the bar at work, too."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

Back to work...

Innovation department.

"You don't get an office. You get cargo pants."

'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'

Corporate ladders for men and women

'Miss Wilcox, send in someone to blame.'

'That's our mission statement.'

Desk bins: 'Action' 'Action-Worthy' 'Action-ific'... 'Actually Done' (Nothing).

"All work and no play makes you a valued employee."

'And this is the only performance indicator that's moving up. Unfortunately, it's my blood pressure.'

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Before I forget, Detrick, here's the dental plan."

Man on beach blowing up an inflatable office.

Man looking at a 'organization chart' where he is depicted at the bottom

'These are some great solutions we've come up with, Ed. See if we have any problems they'll solve.'

Part of the company's new fitness progress, I presume.

"You look far too relaxed. Around here you're expected to stress for success."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

'Henderson, I can see you have a few things to learn about the corporate culture around here!'

"Shaded blue box on our org chart, meet dotted red arrow."

'That's our mission statement.'

'They never let you forget that your intellectual property belongs to them.'

"Let's go back to the scenario in which none of this is my fault."

'Now, Dan, we're all equals here. Have a seat.'

"I'm in my third day of trying to figure out which little square I am."

Well done, Jim. If only I could sleep at home like I do through your presentations!'

"Even though you gave the CEO a kidney, this is a lot of sick days."