Corporate Worker Gifts

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

'He's done well considering he was just a part-time summer intern.'

Out of Focus Group

"I don't know how it started, either. All I know is that it's part of our corporate culture."

'You are here.'

'That went well.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Your entire performance review is based on what you do in the next thirty seconds...go!'

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

'Boswell, it's been brought to my attention that your hidden agenda is in direct conflict with my hidden agenda.'

In the interest of bringing greater creativity into the workplace...

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'He had chest pains. A real wake-up call to slow down a bit. Unfortunately, he was on another line and missed it.'

Business of Finger-pointing

Life-Work Balance.

'Money won't make you happy, Waldron, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you prozac.'

'I'm feeling a sense of conclusion here, so let's draw things to a close.'

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

Happiness is just around the corner...work harder, earn more money, buy more things...

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

'As you can see, our corporate culture rewards worshipping the top guy.'

'I'm glad you're enthusiastic and energized by the Monday morning meeting...but you've got to be more of a team player.'

'In the interest of full disclosure I feel you should know that for the remainder of this meeting I'll be sitting here quietly thinking about pro football.'

The Team

'I realize you were just saying what everyone was thinking . . .and if you do it again you're fired.'

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'He wasn't a team player. Are you a team player, Watley?'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"...and this is where we train our employees to think out of the box"

"Sorry, I was so busy thinking of what I was going to say that I didn't listen to what you said..."

"We're ready to begin the next phase of keeping things exactly the way they are."

'Keep practicing, Johnson. You have to learn to jump through all of them at the same time.'

He replied all.

'Without mentioning any names, certain liberties have been taken with our corporate dress code.'