Corporate Career Gifts

Bear Office Worker

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"This position has become very important to the company."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Let's not go by the book.'

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's our mission statement.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."