Corporate Staff Gifts

I want to wish a Merry Christmas to each and every one of you...and, a happy prosperous New Year to those of you who will be with us next year.'

"I avoid stress by delegating it all to my staff."

'Since your people and my people got together, they've been avoiding us.'

'Have a nice day, Dear.'

'Women in the office should appear attractive but not seductive. Unfortunately, we have to dress for success and self-defense at the same time.'

"This is Ms. Watkins, a vital member of our greet staff."

Stern looking woman sitting at a service window labeled "Complaints".

"And put a couple of exclamation points in the email, so they know I'm serious."

"What time is it mentally?"

Psss. Yourplace.com or mine?

'It's supposed to be a casual dress day, Thompkins.'

"The boss is so ENIGMATIC! Every time she discusses my project, she subtly weaves in the phrase 'idiotic, misguided and ill-fated.' What do you think THAT'S a code for?"

Goldfish in an office water dispenser

"I've been transferred to another office clique."

"What's up, did you not bet in the office sweepstake?"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This position has become very important to the company."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Let's not go by the book.'

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's our mission statement.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."