Company Employee Gifts

Because of our tightening budget, I had to turn off the lights at the end of the tunnel.

Company Shares - I wouldn't fancy buying any in a company I work for.

Jack-in-the-Box Enterprises.

"Gary is from pharmaceuticals."

'We're the only ones holding up this company.'

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

The department meeting grows so intensely uninteresting that Jack has a bad trip.

Company economist: Back at 2 - maybe

"I paid the union dues for decades but my boss always treated me fair and with respect! I'm going to sue the company for damages!"

"If we don't see the boss's shadow, it means six more weeks of delegated work for us."

"I work for a company that measures goose feathers. We're down-sizing."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

21st century water cooler conversations.