Corporate Employees Pillows

'I'm just concerned that if we embrace change this one time, change might get the wrong idea and mistake it for some kind of long-term commitment!'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

Worker sees clock which says: In case of impossible deadline, break glass.

'Aye, laddie, we do have an employee incentive program!'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'They appear to be adapting well in their new habitat.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Remember, we're all in this together - except for Purvison, who will take all the blame.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'The boss finally noticed me today. He said I should wear deodrant.'

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

'I think he would have wanted it that way.'

"I hate performance review season."

Despite the searing heat wave, Jennings adhered strictly to the company dress code, which stated 'ties must be worn at all times'.

Elevator buttons read Easy Come (going up) and Easy Go (going down).

"Legal thinks it looks like Satan, Marketing thinks Batman."

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

Express Elevator.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

"Re toxing Dave"

'Powerbrowse this and get back to me with a sentence-long synopsis.'

'That's Coleman. He's as honest as they come, which is why we never tell him what we're doing.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

"We offer six weeks paid vacation. . . but you have to spend all of it in your office."

'I'm giving you that company car you've been bugging me about. The car cost $21,745, which will be gradually taken out of your pay starting Friday.'

'Ned, your repressed angst keeps tipping over and blocking my light.'

Copier duplicates worker

Cuckoo bird in office.

Corporate policy is that this company is now paperless. Please use hand.

Loose change fund: 'You get to keep whatever you can grab with one hand.'

"Good Christmas?"

"Have you noticed since Chuck's promotion he's become a, 'Not the office furniture, use the scratching post' kinda guy?"

"You're looking sharp today, Appleby."