Cooperation Comedian Gifts

Flamingos getting tangled together.

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

Zoology. Cheetahs can reach speeds up to sixty miles an hour! Amazing, and yet they never win!

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'Is this a trick question?'

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"Are you talking to me?"

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'