Cooperation Comedian T-Shirts

Flamingos getting tangled together.

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

'Is this a trick question?'

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

"Are you talking to me?"

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."