Community Comedian Gifts

'But they can't close your local, you're the pub bore!'

Closing the Gap

"Don't answer—it's those pickleballers again."

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

'That awful dog keeps terrorizing us!'

"Can your George come out to plague the neighbors?"

Violin for Sale...Thank Goodness

Neighborhood Watch Anti-Violence Meeting. Be There or Else.

"He gives a lot of advice but I would describe him as a nano-influencer."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

Graph Your Relatives!

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Growth Charts

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

Turtle Trailer Court

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"Okay, you can keep 'em, but if they grow any bigger, they'll have to sleep in the kitchen."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"