Co-op Comedians Gifts

"Could our co-op secede from the United States and govern itself?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Family working together

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"