Cooking Comic Fan Gifts

'Do you do the squished up little balls that taste of fish - or are you the wrong ethnicity?'

Roman Noodles

"...I'm sick of having to remove the bones."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"A votre sante!"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Large Very Fresh Eggs

"Keep it in the sling and rub hot sauce on our wing every 4 hours."

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

Road Kill Cafe.

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

'Who ordered the mushy peas?

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

I'm looking for an entr

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

"That's it, deep fried or mashed. Do you want a job or not?"

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

"I heard we're now legal in some states."

'What price range did you have in mind?'

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

"You still use too much yeast in your bread!"

The Family Joules: Part 13

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."

Operating table.

'Thinner!'

"I fear this place is going downhill."

'Hey! My Chili is Chilly!' 'I'll add some Chilies!'