Conversations With Pets Pillows

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"Another slander suit!"

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"Is your regret that there were three of them or that they were blind?"

"I have to bring him with me otherwise he wouldn't let me indoors."

'If I am a bad dog, it's because you never took time to teach me right from wrong.'

"I'm sorry I ever taught him to speak"

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"I could have been man's best friend but who needs the pressure."

"Speaking personally, I haven't had my day, and I've never met any dog who has."

"Have you ever asked yourself why people call you bad dog?"

Prince longed for the good old days when dogs were dogs.

'I demand a second opinion!'

"He chews his nails, his pencils, his glasses... and I get scolded for chewing his shoes!"

"How did I know that would happen?"

"Right, I'm going to teach you to speak."

"Does your dog like ‘Westworld’? If not, this is kind of pointless."

"Theo, conversation is about talking and listening!"

'Look at that crazy cowboy, Butch, he's talking to his horse!'

I talk to cats - "What have you been doing?" "Acting Mad."

"Then Marc from our creative team tells the client to 'like it or lump it' – can you believe that?!"

"You're sure that's the stick you want?"

'It's the closest thing dogs have to blogging.'

"Look closer, it's right under your beak."

"And so she's all, 'woof'. And I'm like, 'woof?'"

If dogs could talk

"Wow, you're right. That is a serious flea infestation!"

Bonjour!

"We ALL talk to our pets. It's only a concern when they talk back, right?"