Pet Conversation Starters Pillows

"Does your dog like ‘Westworld’? If not, this is kind of pointless."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"Another slander suit!"

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

Dog and man on couch

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

What if cats talked dirty...

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."