Control Freak Gifts

'Dozens of gauges and knobs, but not one cigarette lighter to plug in my heated travel mug.'

Bedroom Traffic Control

Remote control pirate bully

Yes, Patterson, I know I micromanage.

the bureaucrat's desk

A politician's dream come true...

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"By labeling it, I control it."

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

'Mom is making us clean out our rooms, but she'll get you next.'

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

Hand sanitizer

"Not guilty?"

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

Wash your hands

TV and cleaner

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

Car wash / Mouth wash

'It's like all I do is pick up after him.'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

Soap Versus Coronavirus

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'I distinctly remember saying 'No Starch'.'

'What a control freak!'

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'