Control Freak Pillows

'Dozens of gauges and knobs, but not one cigarette lighter to plug in my heated travel mug.'

Bedroom Traffic Control

Remote control pirate bully

the bureaucrat's desk

A politician's dream come true...

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"By labeling it, I control it."

'Mom is making us clean out our rooms, but she'll get you next.'

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Hand sanitizer

"Not guilty?"

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Wash your hands

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

TV and cleaner

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

Soap Versus Coronavirus

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'I distinctly remember saying 'No Starch'.'

'What a control freak!'

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

"And to think NASA hit a target 11 million kilometres away."

Jet Liner Wipes 'I tell ya, cleanin' the fuselage used to be my least favorite job...'

"Clean up this mess. . . or you're out."

'I warned you about eating at your desk. The Board of Health impounded your keyboard.'