Control Critic Pillows

"Move along now, people..."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"By labeling it, I control it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

The new Physics

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Samuel Beckett

"You'll never believe who's here."

Seamus Heaney

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

The Algonquin Round Table