Control Freak Humorist Pillows

You guys ever think he might be a control freak?

Six remote tuners?! You really are a "control" freak!

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Remote control pirate bully

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Atomic Bear: Part 21

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Large print e-book.

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

Bedroom Traffic Control

A politician's dream come true...

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

I think I need new glasses. I swear I just saw a tiny man jump off your bridge.

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

A man with notches in his nose for his glasses.

"You've been traded to the Red Sox for an outfielder with a broken arm."

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"