Control Skeptic Gifts

Editorial Control

Remote control pirate bully

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"By labeling it, I control it."

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

Bedroom Traffic Control

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

A politician's dream come true...

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

Can't you anarchists do anything within the system?

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'What a control freak!'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

"Mabel, you are becoming a control freak..."

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

Therapy Group For Those Who Are Afraid of Therapy Groups

Freedom Puppet

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Actually, I'm tired of the man trying to shape our minds so they fit into some pre-arranged societal widget."

"Of course, Perkins likes to think he can make it to the top outside the corporate structure."

"I am a control freak."

'The government is offering us financial incentives to offer out staff financial incentives to offer our customers financial incentives to come up withsome good ideas for financial incentives.'

'I'm going to have to go with the leeches on this one....'

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

the bureaucrat's desk

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"Sorry. No refunds."