Control Freak Humor Gifts

"I want a large pepperoni, pronto! And don't be stingy with the cheese. No anchovies! If I find one anchovy, I'll have your head on a pole. . ."

Remote control pirate bully

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"The subwoofers really help."

Bedroom Traffic Control

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

A politician's dream come true...

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

Can you do it so my eyes follow everyone around the boardroom?

'Yes, having a powerful sense of smell is good, but I do wish Master would change his socks more often...'

the bureaucrat's desk

Remember to wash your hands: "...but not compulsively."

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

The seven year itch. 'Relax, it's only fleas.'

'Dozens of gauges and knobs, but not one cigarette lighter to plug in my heated travel mug.'

"How can I work with you constantly looking over my shoulder?"

'I'll see the ones with clean underwear first.'

"I can't stand microwave managers."

'I'm worried about him. He's becoming emotionaly involved with the vacuum cleaner.'

'Hopkins!' Guard is shouted at after falling asleep between the breasts of a statue.

Desert Island Slob.

Doc, I firmly believe in portion control as long as I control them!

"Uh-oh, looks like we've got humans."

Already worried about his wife's cleaning binges, Bob finds her snorting Ajax.

It's a wonderful death

Employees must wash hands before leaving restroom and avoid dropping boogers in food.

"Wow, you're right. That is a serious flea infestation!"

"Down the end and second on your left."

'For street cleansing press: Two. For garden refuse press: three. For Love - . . .Press your sweet lips a little closer to the phone.'

Traffic Calming in Bath

'He does.'

"Try rebooting your computer again..."